Wearing labels like Prada.

My favourite quote is the Henry ford quote: 

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

I don’t know if I have ADHD but presume so, (my friends pull the familiar face as I, once again go off on some sort of tangent).

I don’t particularly need the diagnosis, I am happy enough with the understanding that I have, I have also found ways to manage and prepare myself in the main, I like the idea of medication but I have somewhere along the lines (I am 53 writing this) I have found ways to make life work for me, I have found them all the hard way, like having three projects on the go at once to get anything done, or making myself put my keys in the same place each time as I get home, bribing myself to brush my teeth, wash my face, not the horrifically disabling ADHD that some people and some clients experience, but perhaps a gentler form of, AU-ADHD, that I have spent years labelling as, “Creativity”. This has come with it’s challenges especially when I have watched my friends (in admiration) do as a routine the ‘basic’ life movements. I had always self justified my ‘lack’ as my distracted mindset… ‘I am a “creative” or I am, “Absent minded”

While my friends and colleagues ace at the fundamentals of life, doing all the impressive things like regular admin, work accounting, phone calls even sensible eating hours and ordinary day to day planning, mine is a maelstrom of procrastination and misplaced determination but somehow everything gets thrown into the mental mixer and (miraculously) all comes good in the end. I also know that there is some other undercurrent at play that makes things all come good in the end, I just can’t quite put my finger on it to harness that, anymore than I could grab water, I think that makes me one of the, “lucky ones.”

I know there are good things that my difference brings so if I were given the option of being a- typical and giving up my ‘creativity’ I would probably say no… Maybe.

What helps me to stay centred is reminding myself of the good things that my difference gives me… If you notice your difference to those around you, have a look at yourself through your friends’ eyes and why they love you, list the wonderfulness that your difference has brought, sometimes we need to practice the good stuff.

What my ‘difference’ has given me:

The ability to question and not settle 

The ability to focus on my passion

I can deep dive into things

Creativity

Flexibility and he ability to change 

Laughter

Comparatively, to neurotypical function in society diversity can feel like a curse, so I take myself away from the comparison, because I will never be that, so what is the use of comparing?

I watched my son create an amazing career in painting methodically creating goals, doing research… p p p planning, going to the studio on time and actually painting, not getting distracted and having coffee with friends or procrastinating weeks away.

He taught me so much. I watched him with amazement and with a flash I understood what all those years of art teacher/s frustration meant when I was younger… They wanted me to be like him! Bloody hell, I couldn’t have been further away from that.

Please click on Elliot’s work if you would like to see it :) (proud Mum)

My art teacher at parent’s evening said to my parents, “Tracey and education is like putting cotton wool through a colander” I loved Mr. Johnson, he was recycling back in the 80s. I also loved that he said that too, I perhaps should have taken it as a criticism but for me, it said everything I admired at the time; I couldn’t be contained or forced to do something; but also he didn’t call me rock; I was quiet, fluffy and light not noisy, stubborn and immovable. I loved that he noticed, understood and despaired at my difference.

I see my friends being brilliant in life; they’ve steadily saved, they’ve ‘settled’; some in relationships as they don’t want to be alone or being alone is expensive, some are disconnected from themselves by their work and their holidays are there for them to recuperate to finally become themselves again only to go back into work and start all over again, losing sight of who they were. I suppose we all do that at some points in our lives.

I’m not able to do most things consistently, it’s not for me... I’m OK with that and the way I live my life.

I had been saved by my neurodiversity, it wouldn’t let me settle.

I have hard boundaries where others can have soft ones, I’ve adapted in the best way I know how. 

As you may have realised by now. I really love that we are as a collective of people, looking at just how different we all can be; just how different on the inside as much as the outside, and I love that people are noticing how our brains can and do work differently. As a therapist, I have witnessed that difference over the years, it’s lovely that we are beginning to see it and more importantly, accept difference, in all sorts of ways.

Sadly the difficulty with the difference concept is how we can wear our labels.

I have used my labelling to understand how I work and in what environments I work the best in, thrive in and what environments affect me negatively. The exploration of the labelling can help me to adapt to what I can or can’t change, and for the things I can’t change how to find processes to adapt. For example, I will have a leaving the house time rather than an arrival time to focus on, that way I can arrive on time.

With the rise of information regarding neurodiversity and (surprise, surprise) the understanding that girls and women can be diverse too. Currently doctors are inundated with requests for ADHD / Autism tests, CAHMS is bursting at the seams. Pharmacies are struggling to produce the phenomenal number of new medicinal requests, social media has created a demand (Yay! Power to the people!) but at the moment the world can’t quite keep up as sadly these things take time, in the way restaurants are slowly changing to adapt to dietary requirements, the world will take time to adapt to a greater wealth of Neurodiversity.

So maybe in the interim we can look at our diversity and begin to understand it; understand what we cna and can’t do so we can make self provision and nuture ourselves in the way we need to be nutured and in doing so we can learn to ask for help at the points we can’t do it.

How lucky are we to live in a time when we can be unique, different and accepted. This time span that we live in the world holds the greatest number of generations the world has even had- how incredible is that? Are we all going to be different?

Sometimes when we are faced by lack of understanding and judgement, we just have to think, that’s not for me, I understand they don’t have the capability to understand me.

Having any form of diversity can mean that life is harder, when we are on any spectrum athere will always be a variety of …Variations.

So first we need to ask what we can do to make our lives better ourselves, now we know. Now we have permission to accept and adapt to ourselves, and then understand how to venture into the world accept and adapt to how we fit in the the bigger world. All of our compensations come from within, and to be able to give ourselves that love that we need, we need to understand what it is that we do need.

Self work, self recognition can lead to self guidance and self nurturing, there’s a little sadness along the way that comes with self acceptance but in the main it’s nowhere near as painful as looking for the external validation.

Go out there and thrive, you beautiful you shaped thing!

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash